Directed by Andrew Hull.
Starring Eoin Macken, Anna Skellern, Tereza Srbova and Anthony Jabre.
SYNOPSIS:
A group of friends plan to tour the coast for a relaxing weekend until they attempt to rescue a seductive, sultry young woman and find themselves fighting for their lives.
There’s a lot of stuff going on in Siren, but not much of it makes any sense. The basic premise is three friends (two guys, a girl and a pizza place) go on a sailing trip. They come across an island where a stranded, bearded, crazy man climbs aboard their boat to die. His ears were bleeding quite heavily. The trio go ashore to bury the body and they discover a girl. She’s weird and quite obviously responsible for the stranded, bearded, crazy man’s death. Our main three somehow don’t realise this and inexplicably have a beach party. They all start to have strange visions and blah blah yadda yadda… turns out the girl is a siren that kills people with her song, strumming their pain with her fingers. There might have been an “it’s all in your head” twist somewhere, but the film had collapsed long before that would have mattered under the weight of its own shoddiness. Besides, they never followed up on it. There’s a tedious love triangle too.
The acting is really quite bad. Those onscreen seem to be trying to recall their next line. The dialogue itself is just awful. The characters are never properly established, completely unlikeable and dart between moods for little reason. It’s confusing, directionless and tiresome.
A bit of exposition every now and then wouldn’t go amiss. The narrative progresses with about as much coherence as a parrot taught lines by rain man. The aforementioned beach party scene, the way people randomly disappear and the countless ensuing search party, a sudden montage of nightmarish visions with no build up or introduction.
The main actor has oversized, offensive nipples, like that Tim Curry scene from Scary Movie 2. He has his top off for about 90% of the film’s duration, its only consistency.
It tries to sell itself on sexiness, of which it has a lot. There’s a lesbian kiss and the female lead is stunning. But we can’t all be teenage boys forever, and there isn’t even enough sexy stuff to really cover its many flaws. There’s not one boob shot throughout.
This film is a colossal waste of time.
Oli Davis
365 Days, 100 Films
Movie Review Archive
No comments:
Post a Comment